To let you know how far I’ve come, let me tell you where I’ve been.

Not that long ago, there were nights I went to sleep in strange places praying I wouldn’t wake up. After another night of bad decisions, I’d lie down with my heart speeding inside my chest like it was about to burst through the skin. My thinking was clouded, and my talent was one day closer to being totally wasted.

I prayed to be spared another day of guilt and depression and addiction. I couldn’t continue living the life of a crack addict, and I couldn’t stop, either. It was a horrible downward spiral that I had to pull out of, or die. I lay there—in a hot and dirty trailer in the North Carolina countryside, in a stranger’s house, in the cab of my pickup—and prayed the Lord would take me away from the nightmare my life had become.

When I think of those terrible times, there’s one memory that stands out. I was walking down the double-yellow of a two-lane country highway outside Raleigh when I woke up out of a trance.

I was so out of it I had lost consciousness, but my body had kept going, down the middle of the road, cars whizzing by on either side. I had run out of gas on my way to a drug dealer’s house, and from there I left the truck and started walking. I had taken Klonopin, a prescription antianxiety drug, along with whatever else I was using at the time, and the combination had put me over the edge. It’s the perfect example of what I was: a dead man walking.

And now, as I stand on the green grass of a major league outfield or walk to the batter’s box with people cheering for me, I repeatedly ask myself one simple question: How did I get here from there? I’ve been in the big leagues as a member of the Cincinnati Reds for half a season, but I still find myself taking off my cap between pitches and taking a good look around. The uniform, the ballparks, the fans—it doesn’t seem real. How am I here? It makes no sense to anybody, and I feel almost guilty when I have to tell people, over and over, that I can’t answer that one simple question.

I go to sleep every night with a clear mind and a clear conscience. Every day, I walk into an immaculate clubhouse with 10 TVs and all the food I can eat, a far cry from the rat-infested hellholes of my user past. I walk to my locker and change into a perfectly clean and pressed uniform that someone else hung up for me. I grab a bat and a glove and walk onto a beautifully manicured field to play a game for a living.

How am I here? I can only shrug and say, “It’s a God thing.” It’s the only possible explanation.

There’s a reason my prayers weren’t answered during those dark, messed-up nights I spent scared out of my mind. There’s a reason I have this blessed and unexpected opportunity to play baseball and tell people my story.

My wife, Katie, told me this day would come. At my lowest point, about three years ago, when I was wasting away to skin and bones and listening to nobody, she told me I’d be back playing baseball someday. She had no reason to believe in me. During that time, I did nothing to build my body and everything to destroy it. I’d go five or six months without picking up a ball or swinging a bat. By then, I’d been in rehab five or six times—on my way to eight—and failed to get clean. I was a bad husband and a bad father, and I had no relationship with God. Baseball wasn’t even on my mind.

And still Katie told me, “You’re going to be back playing baseball, because there’s a bigger plan for you.” I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I said something like, “Yeah, yeah, quit talking to me.”

She looks pretty smart, doesn’t she? I have a mission now. My mission is to be the ray of hope, the guy who stands out there on that beautiful field and owns up to his mistakes and lets people know it’s never completely hopeless, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I have a platform and a message, and now I go to bed at night, sober and happy, praying I can be a good messenger.

Addiction is a humbling experience. Getting it under control is even more humbling. I got better for one reason: I surrendered. Instead of asking to be bailed out, instead of making deals with God by saying, “If you get me out of this mess, I’ll stop doing what I’m doing,” I asked for help. I wouldn’t do that before. I’d been the Devil Rays’ No. 1 pick in the 1999 draft, supposedly a five-tool prospect. I was a big, strong man, and I was supposed to be able to handle my problems myself. That didn’t work out so well.

Every day I’m reminded that my story is bigger than me. It never fails. Every time I go to the ballpark, I talk to people who are either battling addictions themselves or trying to help someone else who is. Who talks to me? Just about everybody. I walked to the plate to lead off an inning in early May, minding my own business, when the catcher jogged out to the mound to talk to his pitcher. As I was digging in, the home plate umpire (I’m intentionally not naming him) took off his mask and walked around the plate to brush it off. He looked up at me and said, “Josh, I’m really pulling for you.

I’ve fought some battles myself, and I just want you to know I’m rooting for you.”

A father will tell me about his son while I’m signing autographs. A mother will wait outside the players’ parking lot to tell me about her daughter. They know where I’ve been. They look to me because I’m proof that hope is never lost.

They remind me that this isn’t really about baseball. It’s amazing that God allowed me to keep my baseball talents after I sat out three years and played only 15 games last season in A-ball. On May 6, I hit two homers against the Rockies at home, and I felt like I did in high school. I felt like I could do anything on the field.

I’ve been called the biggest surprise in baseball this year, and I can’t argue with that. If you think about it, how many people have gone from being a crack addict to succeeding at anything, especially something as demanding as major league baseball?

If I hadn’t been picked up by the Reds after the Rule 5 draft, which opened up a major league roster spot for me, I’d probably still be in A-ball. Instead, I’m hanging around .270 with 13 homers through 60 games with Cincinnati; not bad for a 26-year-old major league rookie. But the way I look at it, I couldn’t fail. I’ve been given this platform to talk about the hell I’ve been through, so it’s almost like I need to do well, like I don’t have a choice.

This may sound crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing about my path to the big leagues. I wouldn’t even change the 26 tattoos that cover so much of my body, even though they’re the most obvious signs of my life temporarily leaving the tracks. You’re probably thinking, Bad decisions and addiction almost cost him his life, and he wouldn’t change anything? But if I hadn’t gone through all the hard times, this whole story would be just about baseball. If I’d made the big leagues at 21 and made my first All-Star team at 23 and done all the things expected of me, I would be a big-time baseball player, and that’s it.

Baseball is third in my life right now, behind my relationship with God and my family. Without the first two, baseball isn’t even in the picture. Believe me, I know.

I’LL NEVER forget Opening Day in Cincinnati. When they called my name during introductions and a sellout crowd stood and cheered, I looked into the stands and saw Katie and our two kids—Sierra, who’s nearly 2, and my 6-year-old stepdaughter, Julia—and my parents and Katie’s parents. I had to swallow hard to keep from breaking down right there. They were all crying, but I had to at least try to keep it together.

I pinch-hit in the eighth inning of that game against the Cubs, and Lou Piniella decided to make a pitching change before I got to the plate. The crowd stood and cheered me for what seemed like forever. It was the best sound I’ve ever heard. When I got into the box, Cubs catcher Michael Barrett looked up at me from his crouch and said, “You deserve it, Josh. Take it all in, brother. I’m happy for you.” I lined out to left, but the following week I got my first start and my first hit—a home run.

Whether I hit two bombs or strike out three times, like I did in a game against the Pirates, I never forget that I’m living with addiction. It’s just part of my life. Johnny Narron, my manager’s brother, is a big part of my recovery. He’s the Reds’ video coordinator, and he once coached me in fall baseball when I was 15. He looks after me on the road. When they pass out meal money before a trip—always in cash—they give mine to Johnny, and he parcels it out to me when I need it. I see no shame in that; it’s just one of the realities of my situation. I don’t need to be walking around with $400 in my pocket.

I know I’m different, and my teammates have been very accepting. Being a rookie in the big leagues, there are certain rituals involved, and one of them is carrying beer onto the plane. My teammates gave me that job on one of the first road trips, and I didn’t do it. I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to be seen carrying beer onto a plane. They respected my decision.

I get a lot of abuse in visiting cities, but it only bothers me when people are vulgar around kids. The rest I can handle. Some of it is even funny. In St. Louis, I was standing in rightfield when a fan yelled, “My name is Josh Hamilton, and I’m a drug addict!” I turned around and looked at him with my palms raised to the sky. “Tell me something I don’t know, dude,” I said. The whole section started laughing and cheering, and the heckler turned to them and said, “Did you hear that? He’s my new favorite player.” They cheered me from that point on.

I live by a simple philosophy: Nobody can insult me as much as I’ve insulted myself. I’ve learned that I have to keep doing the right things and not worry about what people think. Fortunately, I have a strong support group with Katie, my family and Johnny. If I ever get in a bad situation, I know I would have to get out of it and give Johnny a call. The key is not getting myself into those situations, but we’ve talked about having a plan for removing myself just in case. It’s all part of understanding the reality of the addiction.

In spring training, when I hit over .400 and made the team, there was a lot of interest in my story. I decided to be open about what happened to me; early on, I was doing long interviews before my first game in every city. It’s been amazing how people have responded, and I think being honest helped. I can’t avoid my past, so I don’t try. It’s not always easy, though. I got sick in late May and ended up on the disabled list after going to the hospital with a stomach problem, and I knew I’d have to answer questions about whether I was using again. I can’t control what people think, but the years of drug abuse tore up my immune system pretty good. I get tested three times a week, and if it comes back positive, I know I’m done with baseball for life.

Aside from our struggles as a team, this season has been a dream for me. And that’s fitting, because in a way I had to learn how to dream all over again. When I was using, I never dreamed. I’d sleep the dead, dreamless sleep of a stalled brain. When I stopped using, I found my dreams

returned. They weren’t always good dreams; most of the ones I remember were haunting and dark. They stayed with me long after I woke up.

Within my first week of sobriety in October 2005—after I showed up at my grandmother’s house in Raleigh in the middle of the night, coming off a crack binge—I had the most haunting dream. I was fighting the devil, an awful-looking thing. I had a stick or a bat or something, and every time I hit the devil, he’d fall and get back up. Over and over I hit him, until I was exhausted and he was still standing.

I woke up in a sweat, as if I’d been truly fighting, and the terror that gripped me makes that dream feel real to this day. I’d been alone for so long, alone with the fears and emotions I worked so hard to kill. I’m not embarrassed to admit that after I woke up that night, I walked down the hall to my grandmother’s room and crawled under the covers with her. The devil stayed out of my dreams for seven months after that. I stayed clean and worked hard and tried to put my marriage and my life back together. I got word in June 2006 that I’d been reinstated by Major League Baseball, and a few weeks afterward, the devil reappeared.

It was the same dream, with an important difference. I would hit him and he would bounce back up, the ugliest and most hideous creature you could imagine. This devil seemed unbeatable; I couldn’t knock him out. But just when I felt like giving up, I felt a presence by my side. I turned my head and saw Jesus, battling alongside me. We kept fighting, and I was filled with strength. The devil didn’t stand a chance.

You can doubt me, but I swear to you I dreamed it. When I woke up, I felt at peace. I wasn’t scared. To me, the lesson was obvious: Alone, I couldn’t win this battle. With Jesus, I couldn’t lose.

I GET cravings sometimes, and I see it as the devil trying to catch me in a weak moment. The best thing I can do is get the thought out of my mind as soon as I can, so it doesn’t turn into an obsession. When it happens, I talk to him. I talk to the devil and say, “These are just thoughts, and I’m not going to act on them.” When I talk like that, when I tell him he’s not going to get the best of me, I find the thought goes away sooner.

Believe it or not, talking to the devil is no harder to explain than many other experiences I’ve had since that day last December when my life changed. I was working for my brother’s tree service in Raleigh, sending limbs through a chipper, when I found out I’d been selected by the Cubs and traded to the Reds in the Rule 5 draft.

But there is one story that sticks with me, so much so that I think of it every day. I was driving out of the players’ parking lot at Great American Ball Park after a game in May, with Katie and our two girls. There’s always a group of fans standing at the curb, hoping to get autographs, and I stop to sign as many as I can.

And on this particular night, a little boy of about 9 or 10, wearing a Reds cap, handed me a pen and something to sign. Nothing unusual there, but as I was writing the boy said, “Josh, you’re my savior.” This stopped me. I looked at him and said, “Well, thank you. Do you know who my savior is?” He thought for a minute. I could see the gears turning. Finally, he smiled and blurted out, “Jesus Christ.” He said it like he’d just come up with the answer to a test. “That’s exactly right,” I said. You see, I may not know how I got here from there, but every day I get a better understanding of why.

Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3622003
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Photo by 500px user Olga Skrund

Time goes by fast. Real fast. It has been just about a year since moving out to Huntington Beach, California and boy have I learned a lot–personally and professionally. Overcoming adversity has been something I’ve been used to growing up. Challenges motivate me and push me to go the extra mile…when I set my mind to it. Failures disappoint me, but I’ve learned to pick myself back up. I absolutely hate failing and will not accept failure as an option.

When times get tough it’s easier to give up and throw in the towel. Trust me, I’ve been there multiple times this past year (2010). Sometimes it seems like you just can’t catch a break. You will. Sometimes it seems like the world is against you. It’s not. Sometimes it seems like you’re by yourself in a small dimly lit or dark room struggling to find your way out. You aren’t. Life can get pretty discouraging at times. Maybe a lot of time to make it sound more realistic! Trust me, I’ve been to the bottom of the barrel mentally and physically. My will has been tested time and time again. At times it seems like no matter how much effort you give or how hard you try nothing goes as you expected them to or planned them out to be.

I’ve felt discouraged on multiple occasions throughout the year. Just until recently, I’ve felt like no matter how hard I tried things wouldn’t get better. Negativity found it’s way and dug itself deeper into my mind. Thoughts ran through my head that used to never exist. I was constantly asking myself and to a higher being (God if he exists), why me? People closest to me may have not noticed, but I was miserable. I’m pretty good at putting up a front and acting like everything is normal. Especially to those around me. I’ve always known that friendships were priceless. In times like mentioned above friends and family are your backbone, your support.

Throughout this year, I’ve always known, but learned first hand that quality friendships and the time spent with those friends is priceless. And though it’s hard especially in these economic times, don’t grow old, look back, and regret the things you didn’t do with the people who meant the most to you. Be free and let loose every once in a while. Make the time to be around and surround yourself with the ones you care about most. I’m guilty of this one and haven’t made enough time to build upon existing relationships. To that I’m sorry.

Here are a few things I’ve learned during my first year as a struggling unemployed graduate, door-to-door salesman, and corporate puppet:

Creating balance is essential
Balance is essential to living a less stressful lifestyle. People work way too much these days. It’s not a bad thing, but sometimes we forget to make time for ourselves. It takes a lot out of you. What’s it worth going through the daily grind and letting life pass you by? I was working way too much at one point. I forgot to make time for myself because it felt like I didn’t have enough time in the day. Making the time to go out with friends or just do some personal reflection is quite refreshing. Don’t let yourself get caught up in a daily routine, that’s…well…boring!

The ‘Real World’ is all about experience
The school you graduated from and the degree you have mean absolutely nothing. It does mean something, but not everything. In this day and age with the technology that surrounds us we have access to unlimited resources of information. If you set your mind to it, apply yourself, and put forth the effort you can learn anything you want to learn. Your degree can get you into the door somewhere, but your experience is the deal breaker.

Suggested Reading: Will Paypal Billionaire Peter Thiel’s Team of College Dropouts Change Learning

At my current job I manage a book of over 80 accounts, optimize new and existing campaigns, responsible for the initial set-up of a new campaign, and the landing page copy writing. Guess what…there weren’t any classes that I took or was even offered on the subject of ‘Pay-Per-Click advertising’ and ‘search engine marketing’. Much of your success in this world (in my opinion) will be based on what you do with the hours after your normal work hours. What are you going to do to better your life? That’s why I carry the mentality and philosophy to always be learning. Apply myself at my job and when I’m at home. Eventually, this will hopefully assist me on reaching my goal and working for myself on my own terms!

Don’t let money dictate the way you live YOUR life
This one is kind of hard to follow. Trust me, I’ve been here as well. Not having money can be quite depressing because you just can’t go and do many of the things you want to do. Especially when your friends are always asking you to go out as well! Don’t get down on yourself and crawl into a cave because you don’t have any money. There are plenty of things to do that don’t require money and it’s much better than sitting at home complaining about the fact that you don’t have money! I do want to say though, make wholesome decisions and don’t be careless with the little bit of money you do have.

Look out for yourself, ’cause no one else will
No one has really screwed me over “royally” I guess you could say, but… When conversation arises and good advice is flowing I’m all ears. I’ve heard this many times from [older] successful people that I’ve had conversation with. The business world is a nasty world. The business world is where you separate the men from the boys.

Just the other day my brother and I were talking to a man by the name of Scott. He started a successful business and sold it back in 1999 for lots of money. Despite being screwed over on big deals a few times his advice was to watch out for the pricks. He said, “there are people out there who will take a carrot and stick it up your ass. They’ll act like your friend and fuck you over in the blink of an eye.” His message was clear as day and I definitely won’t forget it. He also advised us to be aggressive. We’re young, ambitious, have energy, and no obligations…to basically take the world by storm. Go after our wildest dreams and make something of them.

You must LEARN to make sacrifices
We’re all young (most of us) and love to go out and spend our money on who knows what. What I’ve learned is that making sacrifices in the business world (career and growth opportunity) and in our personal lives is essential. Think of it like this. You’re chilling with some friends drinking some beers or just shootin’ the shit. What you’re doing at that point in time is what you’re doing and nothing else. You’re obviously not going to be getting anything productive done. Tomorrow is a new day though, and what you do with your time is up to you!

In the business/corporate world you must make unwilling sacrifices that may not seem too glamorous at times, but will pay off if you stick with it. It’s crazy when you look at the breadcrumbs of the many coincidences that occur in life. Here’s my past year in a nutshell. Work door to door sales commission only for 5 months, apply for inside sales position at Internet Brands but get interviewed for the marketing support analyst position and get the job, work at Internet Brands for 6 months, apply to Deluxe Corporation and because of my experience in the non-corporate world as well as at Internet Brands get a job offer. As the year progressed things gradually got better. It didn’t seem like they would at times, but they did. It may seem like hell right now…your hard work and perseverance will pay off. Trust me, it will. I lost faith in myself many times and when you do that it makes things so much harder. Don’t lose faith in yourself and believe in your capabilities! Each job was a stepping stone and without each job preceding the other I wouldn’t be where I a today.

Making more time in the day isn’t impossible
Do you find yourself occasionally saying “there’s not enough time in the day“! Referring back to the creating balance is essential topic, it never seems like you have enough time in the day. There’s always so much to do and just not enough time. I’ve figured out the secret to making more time in the day. Some say it’s impossible, but it’s not. You can literally slow down time… just kidding! Sorry, I had to. Anyways, the only way to gain more time in your day to accomplish more is by going to bed later and waking up earlier. Don’t push yourself to exhaustion doing this. Get your rest, but put the hours you’re awake towards being productive and getting the things done you want to get done. You need to get done. This way, you will have extra time for yourself to do what you want, when you want, and with who you want.

This post is getting a little lengthy. I know there’s more advice that has crossed my mind. When I remember those topics I’ll make another post. For now, this will suffice. Hope you enjoyed this read and feel free to share your thoughts if you so please.

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The 30th June 2009 is the date I was confirmed as dying. My surgeon declared me inoperable, terminally ill and with at most six months to live. It is on this day my story starts.

I knew immediately, as I caught my sister’s worried gaze, that the operation had not been a success. There were whispered conversations behind the door between my wife Cheryl and the surgeon. The cancer had spread through out my body and was inoperable. I knew my condition was terminal before the oncologist confirmed I had stage 4 colon cancer and had maybe six months to live. As far as the medical profession was concerned and indeed everyone else, I was dying.

FACING DEATH
When told that I had six months to live, I was naturally overcome with fear. I was afraid of death but also afraid of life with a terminal illness. There were only two responses: either fatalistically accept my fate and make plans for a graceful exit or convince myself that as an individual with ‘free will’ I have the power to control and change my destiny and actively set about healing myself. The weight of medical opinion, logic and society dictated the first course of action and I diligently wrote my will, applied to liquidate my life insurance policy on the grounds that I was dying, told my business partner I wanted to sell my share of our expanding business and half-heartedly discussed the possibilities of buying medicinal opium and booking a hospice for my final moments. However while doing these tasks I also strongly believed that my life journey had got seriously confused and that the plot definitely did not end in this manner. I had too much to learn and too much to give. Surely there were many episodes and experiences yet to come. So I also actively tried to change my life, my attitude, and to learn to live with cancer.

THE TREATMENT
I began to conceive my treatment as being conducted on three levels: physical, mental and spiritual. Physically I was paying attention to my body. Initially my body was racked with pain and fear, especially before the operation. My wife gave me massages with oils and guided me through breathing exercises that helped reduce the pain and panic attacks. Later I was swimming and walking regularly. I was also eating more natural foods especially fruit and vegetables and the so-called “wonder food’ dried apricot seeds that reputedly combats cancer naturally (fortunately available in Turkey but not widespread in the West!). I briefly researched special diets. These typically proclaimed banning staples such as sugar and salt but in the end I just ate what I felt like. The rationale treatment (mental) was provided by medical science. I was prescribed intensive chemotherapy over two days every two weeks over a six-month period: a cocktail of Avastin and FOLFOX 6. Being aware of the horror stories of chemotherapy involving hair loss and gradual disintegration of the body, I was relieved to merely experience bouts of tiredness, diahorrea and a tingling sensation in the hands and feet which were not severe enough to stop me from continuing to go to work. It was on the spiritual level that I believe much of the important healing occurred. Even the medical profession, the paragons of empirical science, accepts that a ‘positive attitude’ to treatment is an important factor in a patient’s recovery. How can you have a ‘positive attitude’ to terminal cancer and chemotherapy? And more worryingly, if I accept that I have the power to influence my healing process and the course of my life, then by extension I also have to accept the horrifying thought that I am also, in some way, responsible for the cancer being allowed into my body in the first place. I meditated once a week, with the help of an instrument called a Zapper, which gives off an electric pulse for 7 minutes three times in twenty-minute intervals. The theory is that the cancer is a parasite that clings on to the cell tissue; the vibration causes them to dislodge from the cells and disappear. I did not find this explanation very convincing but the discipline of sitting still for an hour and grasping electrodes became part of my meditative routine. I also used a technique I refer to as ‘affirmations’. When I was swimming I would mentally chant the following affirmation to myself:

Later I discovered a technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), which is reputedly related to acupuncture. You tap certain pressure points on your body while chanting positive affirmations. While swimming and meditating I also used visualization. I would visualize my cancer as black flies clambering around my colon and throughout my body, then I would visualize them forming a swarm and flying down my arm and out of my body and through a nearby window. Undoubtedly the greatest influence on my health and well-being was the incredible love and support of family and friends. I remember tears of gratitude at the amazing response when friends (and also complete strangers who had heard of my condition through the grapevine) filled the hospital’s blood bank with their donations of blood. Unquestionably the greatest positive influence on my health was Cheryl, my wife, who supported me with love and energy at every stage along the journey. Fortunately, for me, Cheryl is a holistic health practitioner who was able to introduce and guide me through the healing processes.

THE MIRACLE
On 17th February 2010, eight months after the aborted operation where I was declared clinically inoperable and terminally ill, I was admitted into Capa, a Turkish University teaching hospital, and anxiously operated on by the same surgeon, Turker Bey. This time after the operation it was smiles all round. The main primary cancer tumours in the colon and the tumour in the bladder were successfully removed along with 30% of my intestines. Subsequent analysis of the intestines in pathology revealed, to the incredulity of the medical team, that they contained 0% cancer cells. The cancer had gone! The surgeon admitted that in the space of 8 months I had gone from terminally ill to cured and was at a loss to explain how it was possible! Other doctors, who I have spoken to subsequently, either do not believe my account or question the accuracy of the original diagnosis. However I have all the medical reports and radiology scans to verify my experiences.
To read the full account: http://tomgodfrey.wordpress.com/

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If you have the keys to self-confidence, you’ll be able to open doors of opportunity that you were convinced were locked – at least to you. So why not uncover the keys, learn how they work, and open those doors? Here are 10 keys. Once you’ve mastered them, those doors will open much easier.

1. Understand how self-confidence works. Self-confidence is a necessary ingredient for success. It sells. It’s something you can sense a bout a person upon entering a room and is evident through body language and speech. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. It’s important for you to know that you can create self-confidence. You don’t have to be born with it – everyone is capable of learning how to be incredibly self-confident.

2. Make your confidence goal a priority. People who can achieve their goals are highly motivated to do so. If you tell yourself you should, could, or would if…then your desire for confidence may remain, but your achievement of it stays just a dream. Once you’re committed to your goal, only then can you begin to make it a reality.

3. Change the way you think about yourself. You must change the image you have of yourself. Are you aware of what you’re thinking before and during times you don’t feel confident? If it’s negative, you must reprogram your mind. Choose to think positive thoughts.

4. Speak positively. Do you carefully choose what you’ll say before you speak? Most people just dump whatever they’re thinking into their mouths. We hear more negative messages throughout the day than positive ones unless we make a conscious effort to do so. Thinking and reacting follow one another. If your thoughts are negative, your speech will reflect it. You choose how you will react to what happens to you in life and you will create what happens next, according to your thoughts, words, and actions.

5. Change your body language. You’ve heard the expression, “actions speak louder than words.” Body language speaks volumes and is always believed more than what we may say. Closed postures, folded arms, and lack of eye contact give negative messages. Open postures , eye contact, ad smiles are inviting and encourage interaction.

6. Change your voice tone. Thirty percent of communication has to do with the tone of your voice. Record your voice and listen to it. What changes to your voice would make it sound more confident? Listen to others who you admire. How do their voices communicate confidence to you?

7. Change situations that support your lack of confidence. People either pull you down or build you up. If you find that you’re in a situation where you’re discouraged rather than encouraged, you’re allowing someone else to influence or determine your destiny. Give yourself the opportunity to grow and be happy. It’s your choice.

8. Practice confidence. You must act as you have confidence before you’ll have it. You’ll be creating new habit patterns for yourself. You’ve heard the expression, “fake it until you make it.” You have to act as if you have confidence. Practice what a confident person would say or do to achieve it.

9. Plan confidence-building situations. It’s much easier to practice building confidence in new situations with people who don’t know you rather than with people who already know you and have pre-conceived opinions of you. There’s less stress on you, too.

10. Focus on achieving your dreams. Lots of people have a dream – but too many people give up on them. They simply stop trying because they don’t possess the confidence to continue. An obstacle or two is enough for some. Others are puzzled as they try one avenue after another with little success. Those who are willing to learn the skills to confidence and success will succeed. Aristotle said, “What we have to learn to do we learn by doing.” Experience is the best teacher. There are only two ways to learn something. The first and most common way is by trial and error. The second way, which is much faster and easier, is to discover your answers from someone who has already learned those lessons and helped many others do the same.

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The way I interpret it is that we are afraid, as individuals, to step out of our comfort zone. That we second guess our ability to succeed, create our own identity, or as Ralph Waldo Emerson best said it, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” If we never take the necessary risks to reach a higher level of satisfaction mentally, physically, and emotionally we’ll always be asking ourselves what if. Remember, that your prior actions determine future options. If you don’t change anything nothing different is going to happen. You have to be willing to change because change is the only constant.

In regards to change, I want to mention something that I heard on a conference call one morning. If you’re sitting here reading this take the time to do this. Take out a piece of paper and draw one circle. In that circle write down things that you know could use improvement in your personal life and lifestyle. For example, you could write down that you need more money to pay the bills, your marriage could be better, your relationship with your kids could be stronger, there’s no time for vacation…anything you can think of. Done? Good! Now draw a second circle. In the second circle write down what you just wrote down in the first circle. Guess what? If you don’t make a change today to better your life, to follow your dreams, or achieve your goals then 1, 2, 3, 4, even 5 years from now you’ll still be in the same situation you’re in right now. Empower yourself to do great things.

So get out there and be yourself!

This kind of relates to a previous post where I posted this quote as well, but I really felt compelled to write about change today!

P.S. I’d really love to hear your thoughts about this quote or any stories you may have regarding change! Feel free to post your thoughts in the comments section or contact me directly through my contact page!

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1. ABC’s FlashForward Letter Al Wrote to Celia

Photo by Flickr User jtravism

I have really been troubled the last few months. It seems as though the direction my life is headed in is uncertain. I hate not knowing what’s going to happen, where I’m going to to be, and who I’m going to become. Thus far, it seems as though many of the decisions I have made lead me in the wrong direction. That everything I have done has been a waste of time. I want success so badly that I can taste it at the tip of my tongue and I’ll do anything to achieve the level of success I desire. I’m willing to make commitments. To put in the effort. To put in the time. To learn.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I think about my future literally everyday. I realize that the decisions I make today will directly affect the outcome of my life. It seems as though my conscious has placed two miniature Greggs on each of my shoulders telling me to do something completely different. It’s tiresome and, quite frankly, irritating.

I’ve tried so hard to land a job after graduating from a “respectable” university only to be declined time and time again. My moral has reached an all time low. I feel betrayed. Betrayed that the thought and expectations of our society telling us to pursue a higher education beyond high school will, somehow, guarantee a better way of life [and guarantee us entry-level positions in Corporate America]. Oddly enough, statistics show that higher education does, in fact, help one achieve a higher level of income during his/her lifetime. However, I still feel discouraged. Discouraged to the point where I want to give up. I’ve come to conclusion that there really are no guarantees in life. Everything is based on the individual–what that individual is willing to do and what sacrifices that individual is willing to make. “One-half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it” (Sidney Howard).

So here I am today. Stuck with a few more difficult decisions to make. They have required me to dig deeper and think harder than I ever have before. It seems as though I’ve been caught in a web and can’t figure out a way to escape. That the spider (failure) is breathing down my back ready to make me its 6 o’clock meal.

There’s one side of me that wants to be conservative and play it safe because there is no certainty of my success. Then there’s the other side of me that says to take that risk, it’s a great opportunity. Isn’t it weird how all tough decisions come at a time when uncertainty is surrounding your life? When a would be not-so-tough decision at one point of your life is now, all of a sudden, becomes one of the toughest decisions you’ll make because of the current circumstances you’re in (in this case that I’m in). It seems like I’ve been walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

It’s tough to choose and make a decision for the “what will improve my way of life” and “what’s the best for my future” factors. It’s tough to leave a surrounding I’m comfortable in. To leave behind people I truly and dearly care about. Ultimately, I have to look out for myself and answer the question; what is best for me? Sadly, I know the answer to that question but acting upon the answer is a lot harder than I thought it would be. And I have no freakin’ clue as to why.

What are the facts to consider? The fact that I’m young. I really don’t have any commitments or obligations being 23 years old. I don’t have a family with children, a house, or life savings to worry about. I can afford to risk a year, or a couple of years, of my life pursuing and doing something that may or may not work out. If it doesn’t work out hopefully I will have learned something that will help guide me in the right direction for future endeavors. In order to be successful I’m going to have to make decisions that take me out of my comfort zone. I’ve gotta start somewhere, right?

I just hope things turn out the way I hope for them to turn out. Lately, my life has been filled with disappointments and just plain bad luck. People say that the when you’re ready to quit is when you’re closer than you think. I sure hope it’s true…

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Photo by Flickr user TylerKnott

Take a minute to reflect upon the past. Not the recent past, but when you were between the ages of 5 to 10 years old. When you were a little kid not yet a “grown up” you probably had a lot of ideas and dreams. Big, out of the ordinary, what the heck was I thinking sort of ideas and dreams. Your parents, while speaking about you, would say “my kid’s a dreamer.” Everybody thought you were crazy–except you. You believed in every idea and dream that you conceived in your mind. You could and would build a rocket ship, fly to outer space, and land on the moon. You would become an astronaut. You would become a fighter pilot. You would be the pitcher or batter in game 7 of the World Series in the 9th inning with two outs, bases loaded, and a full count. You could be anything. You thought the impossible was possible. ANYTHING you could dream of was a reality. Nothing held you back and nobody told you that it couldn’t be done.

Let’s flash forward 10, 20, 30 years to the present. Where are you now? Did those ideas and dreams become a reality? In most cases, those ideas and dreams were tossed out the window many years ago. Why? Because we were told over and over that it wasn’t possible and that it couldn’t be done. Our optimistic outlook was challenged by pessimists. Eventually, we began to let the negative overcome the positive.

Why is it that we let others and our society dictate our beliefs, the way we think, and what we individually value in life? I just don’t understand. I’m a victim of it all as well. I used to dream big, I’m not afraid to admit it, and I’m not afraid to share my dreams. However, this is going to sound hypocritical to the last sentence, but I still dream big. The problem now is that I sometimes doubt myself, my knowledge, and my ability to become who I want to become. When I was younger I used to never doubt or even question what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be like. I vision my future and let me tell you…it’s pretty extraordinary. Will my dreams come true? I hope so… No. Wait. I know so. I’ll make the assumption that, in my opinion, we were all once big dreamers; gratefully, some of us still are. The problem today is that as we grow up and mature we set boundaries, which limit our success. We put up these invisible and imaginary walls, which stop us from achieving and becoming who we want to become. We set these boundaries and put up these walls that used to never exist when we were younger. Those ideas and dreams we thought were possible are now, for some reason, unreasonable or unrealistic. We lose faith in ourselves.

Many of us have heard or read about O.J. Simpson’s story. For those of you who haven’t here’s the short version of it. In his childhood, O.J. Simpson developed a disease called Rickets in his legs. This left him pigeon towed and bowlegged unable to be a normal kid. He had to wear braces on his legs and was the subject to constant ridicule by his peers. One day he met Jim Brown, a phenomenal running back, and told Jim that someday he would break all of his records. Guess what? Those records were broken.

Just because our society, or friends, or family tell us that something can’t be done doesn’t mean that it can be done. For many of us, life becomes a daily routine. There’s the expected, conventional way to do things and the, what is considered ‘risky’, unconventional way to do things. What we used to believe in is now a distant thought and breaking the boundaries is oddly looked down upon by some. There’s this understanding of how to do things the “right” way and rather than being our own unique individuals we let ourselves be governed by the explicit and implicit rules or social norms.

I think that sometimes people are afraid of what they’re capable of. That they’re afraid of success because they’ve grown away from it for such a long time they have forgotten what success actually feels like. Everyday we see people achieve something that we always dreamed of accomplishing. We see that 10,000 people completed an Ironman event–surely I could do it if they could do it. But now look at it. What if only 1 person EVER, was to complete an Ironman event–it was just THAT difficult. In this situation some people wouldn’t give themselves the light of day and would never try. Some people would say that it’s unreasonable or unrealistic to complete the event themselves or to see 100 people complete an Ironman event. They have the wrong mindset. The perspective you have to look at it from is that if 1 person was able to complete an Ironman event it can be completed by yourself as well as many others. If I was approached by someone and they were to tell me, “Hey Gregg, I have this business opportunity for you. There’s one million people doing this thing, but only 1 person is making millions while the rest of the 999,999 people are only making a couple thousand of dollars.” Some people would run away and never look back. I wouldn’t let that opportunity pass. If 1 person can achieve a level of success it can be achieved by someone else. It may require a lot of time, effort, and work but it isn’t impossible. It shows me that it isn’t unreasonable and that it isn’t unrealistic.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should never question your ability to succeed based on how many people have accomplished something before you. If something hasn’t been accomplished yet, then why can’t the first person be you?

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The graduation ceremony/commencement was at 9:00 a.m. on December 12, 2009. We [business majors] and engineers were bundled together for the first morning slot of graduation in Mott Gym. I was a little bummed that our graduation was in Mott Gym and not on the football field like the Spring commencements are, but it actually turned out quite well. I can understand since it was raining and not as many students graduate in the Fall.

The whole experience was surreal. It was real, but didn’t feel real…I made it through 4 years and 1 quarter of college and I was finally graduating. It’s weird to think back to the first days of college–WoW (Week of Welcome) week, moving into the dorms, meeting my roommate, saying goodbye to my parents, and struggling to find my classes. It was definitely a great 4 years of my life that I’ll look back on one day and be able to smile and laugh about the things I went through and did.

It’s weird to be an official graduate. I remember thinking after my high school graduation “maaan I have 4 more years of school,” and I dreaded having to take more classes! It’s crazy how fast time goes by, literally. Moving into the dorms feels like yesterday. I’ve learned a lot, changed for the better, matured, and became a young adult that I’m even proud of. My character was tested time and time again. I can’t count how many times I’ve been completely exhausted, but kept on studying and working hard–working 40 hours a week for most of my last quarter while taking my last 12 units. Blah.

Life after graduation has been a little tough. I had a part-time job, but lost it (I could write a lot about this, but maybe later…I’m literally biting my tongue). I’m working for a local company as an intern (unpaid), but absolutely love it since it’s exactly what I enjoy doing, it’s stuff I know how to do, and I’m good at it. I’m also applying for a job to teach English in South Korea. There’s a lot of paperwork and I hope I can get it all in time. They’re looking for applicants to leave end of February or beginning of March for this wave of teachers. I just hope things work out and that I have made the right decisions thus far. I’ll admit to being worried, but I know things will work out. They always do.

There’s a part of me that says to myself that all my degree got me was a piece of paper that I haven’t received yet, I’m referring to my degree, and a boat load of debt. In many ways it’s absolutely true. However, I did learn how to work in group environments, better prepare myself for stressful situations and strict deadlines, research, collect data, and write strategies, plans, and reports.
And also how to present all of that stuff well in a professional manner. My degree also allowed me to connect with a lot of people I otherwise would not have met if I stayed in Bakersfield.. Not just connections, but friends that I’ve made, will cherish for the rest of my life, and never forget (hopefully!).

I look at myself now and laugh a little bit because I think it’s kind of funny that I don’t mind staying in on a Thursday, Friday, and/or Saturday night watching a movie or reading. I would have never guessed that I could enjoy a night in on the weekend!

Plans for the Future
Yeah, I’ve been working on Internet stuff. It amazes me how much my brother and I have taught ourselves in 3 years. Basically all the simple, but not-so-simple steps to getting a website up and managing it, Pay-Per-Click (PPC) advertising, article marketing, building keyword lists for campaigns, creating effective ad copies that convert, optimizing websites and campaigns after analyzing traffic with analytics, a little bit about Search Engine Optimization (SEO) and much more. It’s overwhelming really, but also a challenge–one that I like and enjoy. Why? Because, I know I’ve probably said this in another post, the possibilities online are endless. Heck, you can make millions of dollars in your sleep!

One thing that pursuing the “make money online” train is that you can slap up websites and run campaigns for a quick buck, but it won’t last very long. Build something that creates value for potential customers or visitors. You will be rewarded with customer loyalty and a long-term business model that works. I’ve learned from many trial and errors on the Internet. It’s very and I mean VERY frustrating.

I have a few business ideas that I’m going to start conducting my own primary research on, write a business plan, forecasts, and revenue models for. One in particular I’m pretty excited about and eager to get started on. I’ve told myself that I’ll start collecting data and conducting research this next week starting on Monday (the 25th). Now that I’ve made it public I better actually do it!

All in all I’m not completely satisfied where I am now. Two more years until I hit my quarter-life crisis, oh my! I just hope that my hard work, motivation, and dedication to succeed will eventually pay off in the near future.

Sorry for the lengthy post. I know most of you (whoever reads my site anymore) don’t care. I just had to type up my thoughts. It helps me relax and also do more reflecting on my life.

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What the heck am I going to do? I always thought that I would be making millions by now (it’s great to dream big!), but that didn’t quite happen. It will, I promise you that. Anyways, as I mentioned earlier a lot has been going through my mind. Should I apply to jobs? If so, which company would I be most happy at? Which company offers the best working environment? Which company would best fit my character, personality, and determination to become successful? In the company as well as from a personal standpoint. Which company will I be able to learn and grow as a person–professionally and as an individual? I’ve been thinking about my interests, hobbies, work ethic, experience, and knowledge and I’ve somewhat arrived at an answer to what I will pursue.

Everyone says that you need to experience an industry before you go into business in that industry. To learn the ropes so to speak. I’ve been interested in Pay-Per-Click advertising for a while now. Have I been successful? Yes and no. I’ve made money doing affiliate marketing, but I’ve also put in more time for such little returns. There seems to be this hump that I just can’t quite get over. I’m also interested in eCommerce. Basically, any way you can make money online I want to be apart of.

I’d like to say that my knowledge of the internet and it’s components is more than the average person. I know the very basics of coding, how to register a domain, change nameservers, manage my way through cpanel, installing stuff such as a content management systems (i.e. WordPress, which is the backbone to GreggHawkins.com), how affiliate marketing works, how to track visitors and the importance of analytics, how to create PPC campaigns from scratch; creating ad copies, keyword lists, ad groups and implementing them into Yahoo Search Marketing (YSM!) and Google Adwords, how to track affiliate conversions, how to utilize and import data feeds (just learning these), and much more. Even though I’ve had some success online (explain later) it hasn’t panned out the way I thought it would. But I never give up and will keep trying until one day it pays off!

So I mentioned that I’ve had some success. Here’s one example. About three years ago my brother and I were lying in bed, just about to go to bed, one summer away from college and flipped on the TV to watch some MTV before dozing off. There was this show, Newport Harbor, that was airing and was on the third episode. As I was lying in bed I mumbled something to my brother, who was on top of me (don’t get the wrong picture) because we have bunk beds at home, about creating a fansite for this show. The entrepreneur in me saw an opportunity that we could capitalize on and make some money, hopefully. Keep in mind this is the summer my brother and I taught ourselves everything we know about the internet. We were newbies. So what was my reasoning behind the idea? The cast members in Newport Harbor weren’t celebrities and this was season one of the show. Cool! We could probably rank pretty high in search engines for the cast member names and the show’s title. The next morning we purchased www.NewportHarborFans.com. I just recently let this domain expire because the promised second season never occurred and it was an unnecessary expense since type in traffic essentially came to a halt and our two expenses, renewing the domain registration and monthly hosting expense, weren’t being covered by our fansite’s earnings anymore.

Long story short, we threw up everything about the show. This included cast member pictures, biographies, episode summaries, video, and featured songs. It took about three weeks before we ranked in Google and saw our traffic jump from under a 100 visitors to over 1,000 in one night. Gradually, traffic increased to a steady 1,000 visitors a day and when new episodes aired we saw 3,000+ unique visitors reach our site. We were ranking #1 in Google for many of the cast member’s names, rank #3 for the term “Newport Harbor,” getting traffic from image searches, and other various sources. In about two and a half months we made over $3,000 dollars from Google Adsense alone. The only other income source we had for that site was our LinkShare affiliate links to download the featured songs featured in the show. If only there was a second season and my brother and I knew how to optimize, promote, and advertise a site like we do now. It was a great ride and experience nonetheless.

Anyways, back to the point. I’ve decided that, since I’m going to be graduating with a Marketing Management degree, I want to either work for a marketing and advertising firm/agency or work for an affiliate network as an account manager/executive. I’d be happy with any position with a reputable marketing and/or advertising firm or an affiliate network. I don’t mind working from the bottom up–you appreciate your job more in the future by doing so. Having done affiliate marketing I think I know what affiliates are looking for and can relate to many of their struggles. At the same time I want to start a business with a friend my brother and I are currently talking/planning things out with.

Though I don’t plan on working for someone my whole life I have finally realized that I will benefit greatly by starting out. I’m an entrepreneur by heart. I sit in classes not paying attention to my professors because I’m thinking of business ideas that I want to pursue. I visualize my life in the future, ALL THE FREAKIN TIME, living in my dream home with my family, having a successful business with my brother and friends, and driving my Lamborghini Murcielago.

I want to have the financial freedom to do as I please. I want to live free and be free.

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I find it kind of ironic that this occurred, though, because I was just about to write an entry about reaching an all time low and how it has motivated me to start fresh (in a sense to start and lead a new life). I didn’t mean for all of this to happen all at once, but everything happens for a reason…right?

Anyways, I wanted to talk about how I’ve reached an all time low–not mentally or physically, but with life in general. They say money doesn’t buy happiness. I disagree. I just don’t understand that logic. However, don’t get me wrong because I do believe that you can be happy without money and that money can sometimes complicate life even further. You just don’t see broke, homeless or underprivileged, people skipping down the street because they’re happy (I think this was in the movie “I Love You, Man”). That’d be a sight to see. I’m broke and I’m definitely not happy without money. Without money I’m, as I said, not happy and stressed out over little things that I shouldn’t be stressing and wasting my time over. I have over $600 I need to pay for various bills. One problem. I have $150 in my bank account. Shit. Plus another month’s rent is due on the 25th. Great add that one to the tab.

This all time low, financially, has lit a fire under my ass and has motivated me to succeed more than ever before. I’ve mentioned on my site before that my brother and I hope to start a business (within the next year). Plans have changed slightly. I have an idea that I hope will generate a steady cash flow once I get everything set up. Plus it will provide me with priceless business experience operating everything. I’ll write more on this in the future when I have enough money saved up and get things rolling a bit.

With a new found motivation and mentality for life I’ve also been messing with affiliate marketing again. I’m more patient this time around and will hopefully get a few successful landing pages up and running. I plan on making it goal to save money and make the next Meetup202 gathering in either San Francisco and/or Los Angeles. I also plan on setting a goal to save enough money to be able to attend Affiliate Summit West in January 2010. I want to meet the people I’ve talked to online who are industry leaders and successful affiliate marketers face to face to build a stronger relationship with them. I want to do this because I understand the power of networking and talking face to face with these people will benefit me towards gaining knowledge of the industry, insight of what I may be doing wrong, and how to properly grow and scale campaigns.

Since jumping back into the game I wanted to share with you that I did my first $100 day (net profit) on August 14, 2009 through MaxBounty. Although profits haven’t lasted above the $100′s it’s a milestone and a goal I’ve finally met. Next goal is $500 a day! Setting small goals (i.e. make $100 a day) gives me a a sense of accomplishment and self worth. They’re not unrealistic and definitely achievable. In my opinion, setting goals is a powerful tool towards being successful.

To wrap things up I’ve learned that you must compromise some things in life (usually the fun and social) to get something you truly desire. In my case it’s financial freedom and to an certain extent happiness. I want to have fun, live the life, and not worry about how I’m going to pay for this and/or that. I’m willing to give up everything now to be set for the rest of my life.

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