Making Difficult Decisions in Difficult Times
Photo by Flickr User jtravism
“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
I have really been troubled the last few months. It seems as though the direction my life is headed in is uncertain. I hate not knowing what’s going to happen, where I’m going to to be, and who I’m going to become. Thus far, it seems as though many of the decisions I have made lead me in the wrong direction. That everything I have done has been a waste of time. I want success so badly that I can taste it at the tip of my tongue and I’ll do anything to achieve the level of success I desire. I’m willing to make commitments. To put in the effort. To put in the time. To learn.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I think about my future literally everyday. I realize that the decisions I make today will directly affect the outcome of my life. It seems as though my conscious has placed two miniature Greggs on each of my shoulders telling me to do something completely different. It’s tiresome and, quite frankly, irritating.
I’ve tried so hard to land a job after graduating from a “respectable” university only to be declined time and time again. My moral has reached an all time low. I feel betrayed. Betrayed that the thought and expectations of our society telling us to pursue a higher education beyond high school will, somehow, guarantee a better way of life [and guarantee us entry-level positions in Corporate America]. Oddly enough, statistics show that higher education does, in fact, help one achieve a higher level of income during his/her lifetime. However, I still feel discouraged. Discouraged to the point where I want to give up. I’ve come to conclusion that there really are no guarantees in life. Everything is based on the individual–what that individual is willing to do and what sacrifices that individual is willing to make. “One-half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it” (Sidney Howard).
In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.
-Henry Ward Beecher
So here I am today. Stuck with a few more difficult decisions to make. They have required me to dig deeper and think harder than I ever have before. It seems as though I’ve been caught in a web and can’t figure out a way to escape. That the spider (failure) is breathing down my back ready to make me its 6 o’clock meal.
There’s one side of me that wants to be conservative and play it safe because there is no certainty of my success. Then there’s the other side of me that says to take that risk, it’s a great opportunity. Isn’t it weird how all tough decisions come at a time when uncertainty is surrounding your life? When a would be not-so-tough decision at one point of your life is now, all of a sudden, becomes one of the toughest decisions you’ll make because of the current circumstances you’re in (in this case that I’m in). It seems like I’ve been walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It’s tough to choose and make a decision for the “what will improve my way of life” and “what’s the best for my future” factors. It’s tough to leave a surrounding I’m comfortable in. To leave behind people I truly and dearly care about. Ultimately, I have to look out for myself and answer the question; what is best for me? Sadly, I know the answer to that question but acting upon the answer is a lot harder than I thought it would be. And I have no freakin’ clue as to why.
What are the facts to consider? The fact that I’m young. I really don’t have any commitments or obligations being 23 years old. I don’t have a family with children, a house, or life savings to worry about. I can afford to risk a year, or a couple of years, of my life pursuing and doing something that may or may not work out. If it doesn’t work out hopefully I will have learned something that will help guide me in the right direction for future endeavors. In order to be successful I’m going to have to make decisions that take me out of my comfort zone. I’ve gotta start somewhere, right?
I just hope things turn out the way I hope for them to turn out. Lately, my life has been filled with disappointments and just plain bad luck. People say that the when you’re ready to quit is when you’re closer than you think. I sure hope it’s true…